Thank You God!

Today is Tuesday.  That is important even though my story started...well I'm not sure when but it started a long time ago, involves many people, and the intersection of all of our timelines.  So I guess God is probably the only person who can see where it all began.

Anyway, to be consise I'm gonna have to choose a point to start from.  Also to make the story as less about me as possible I'll start from about two weeks ago.

April 21, 2011.
A best friend of mine confided in me that a person very important to her was going to jail.  She loves him, and she was very scared and upset for him.  A week later we all  (a group of his friends and her friends)spend time with him before his date to leave.  He cried as one by one we said our goodbyes.  The last person with him was my best friend until the early morning of his departure.

This past weekend my BFF just didn't seem right.  She was very distracted so I did my best to be there for her.  While we were out one night.  I said "Tuesday.  Tuesday sounds like a good day for him to be home."  She looked at me unbelievingly so I added "I'll pray about it, don't worry."  To be honest, I had no feeling one way or another.  I had no insight into the situation except that by asking God for assistance I would be doing my best service to both my best friend and the guy she cares for.  So I prayed.  I prayed more than once.  I did it when the issue came to my mind.  I literally prayed for him to be released on Tuesday.  Not Monday or sooner, not Weds or later.  Tuesday.  It was always Tuesday I prayed for and not just "God please release him early."  No I specifically asked for Tuesday everytime. 

Today is Tuesday May 3, 2011.  The man who my best friend loves so much was released from jail today.  She thanked me, but I told her not to because God did all the work.  I only asked.

Have a blessed day.

I'm Back!!!

Ciao beauties!

Sorry I haven't been posting as regularly as I'd like, but my life is well... difficult currently.  Or rather the circumstances seem more daunting than usual, but I think its just a period of change that I'll eventually be led out of.
Anyway, once I organize my life better I'll be back to my past blogging ways.
So what's going with me?  Well I''ll soon be the producer of my own show...sure it'll be on YouTube, but hey gotta start somewhere.  Basically it's a reality show focusing on the lives of two very good friends of mine and myself.  No title yet, but I want to start filming today actually, and have the first episode out by next Sunday.

Also this blog is personal, I want to touch on my life and thoughts, so, I plan on keeping my other blog focused on happenings in the world that catch my eye and have this blog more about my personal life.  Actually I started this blog in 2006, then switched to wordpress, but now I think I'll use it again and revamp it. As I said it's focused on my personal life and lessons.  Also if anyone wants to receive and/or give advice to/from me they can here!

Lastly, I'm super SICK of hearing about this Royal Wedding...more on that later.  But seriously...Inside Edition contacted Kate Middleton's 11th cousin twice removed and asked "Are you upset/surprized you didn't get an invite?"  Really?  These people probably didn't even know they were related and probably didn't and still don't care...can we get some real news?

New Blog

Here is were I've been posting recently...I still like blogger though I just thought I'd get the feel of both.

Click Me!!!

Love Episode XI: Bye, Bye, XY.

These are what I really want ...well, at least one.










So tonight I had another encounter with XY. I was just working on my calc in the lobby of my building, orginally with my friend/roomie Connie. She got a bit bored (who can blame her...watching someone do integrals is not very interesting) and went upstairs to bed. Then a while later as I continued to integrate, XY appeared. I must admit, I half expected/hoped he would. However, I was AIMing with my a good friend of mine, and when he garnered for my attention I have to say I wasn't really willing to play audience to his oddball antics. He hurts me sometimes. I hate to say it, but its true. Some of the things he says hurt me. Actually a bunch of the crap he says hurts me. I hate being hurt, I hate the feeling that I'm letting myself be hurt even more. I know the reason the things he says hurt me is because I still care about him a bit in that non-platonic way. So I need to stop that. Me + Him = Nothing. It will never happen and I really need to accept it. Do I even really want it to happen? I mean if I could have the first him, the in the beginning him I would. Now, after all the crap, with that girl, who he is now dating. I don't want sloppy seconds. I hate to even think that I would ever be second to anyone. I'm competitive and to compete for someones affections is not a game I want to end with 2nd place. I don't ever like second place. Besides, I doubt that he has liked me since that first week of school. So its over. Officially. My feelings for him have been eradicated, and I'm good with being his friend, and that's all. Connie asked me today, well really Thursday for now its 2am on Friday, she asked me if he asked me on a date (sans girlfriend of course) what would I say? I thought and thought, and I know: If he asked me now I would say yes, that doesn't mean I still like him, but everyone deserves a chance. To be honest I have already gone out on dates with different guys this semester, dispite the fact I didn't feel like right away. So what's the difference here? I mean who knows, a date doesn't = like, it means I'm taking time to get to know a guy a little more in a special way. But anyway, I know I don't like him like him. Besides what was I thinking? He DOES have a girlfriend, so it was a waste of time, and I hate wasting time. ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. Also he doesn't make me feel good about me. I want to feel good about me when I'm with someone, and make them feel good. That's what really did it for me tonight. He was making me feel bad, and that game he plays is getting old to me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not as intelligent as he is, and regardless of who's smarter it shouldn't matter, no one should ever make me question my intelligence. At times I feel like I'm in the constant state of needing to prove it to him. No one should have to feel like they need to prove themselves to be liked in return. That is the real reason I'm letting him go. I need respect, and he just doesn't add up enough in that department. So I'm sorry to all of my friends who spent hours of listening to me go on about him, about his good points and his bad. If I talk about him, I hope to keep it contained here. So it bothers no one. Still, I have to be brutally honest about another thing. I hate it that I can't like him anymore, I HATE it. To be even more honest still, I wish I could continue on liking him, and have everything be grand, that everything would work out like I hoped it would when I first liked him. I wish he would give me some concrete reason to keep liking him, but I doubt he will, no, I know he won't. Like I said, he does have a girlfriend so why would I expect anything?

I guess the good thing about the whole XY thing is that even though I never actually dated him, I did learn something about me and what I want when I finally do date someone. I want it to be really really good in the beginning. I know that its not always good, but in the beginning it should be. I want to feel good about me when I'm with a guy, not like I have to be better than what I am for him. I can't be, I can just be Dominica...that's it, and that should be enough, I can't really be Adriana Lima, or some other girl that guys think are perfect. I don't have big perfect boobs, I'm not 5'7", and I'm not whatever else XY or someother guy might think is perfect, but I do stand out. Besides, I like that I'm me. Dominica is 5'2", size 0/2, with little boobs, dark brown hair, black eyes, olive skin, and a bootylicious booty. Haha. She likes comedies and action movies, and hates chick flicks. She's really smart, actually she truly is a genius, only she's a very very lazy one, and somehow manages college without reading her textbooks, which is why she's a genius. She likes to sing and write music, and most of all she loves to dance. It's her passion, and her dream is to have mastered some level of skill in almost every form of dance. So far its only ballet, tap, jazz, and modern, but one day, yes one day it will be everything. She wants to go to medical school, Harvard Medical school or Dartmouth, and she wants a 42 on her MCAT. Which she is going to do. She wants to be a surgeon, and have a brownstone in NYC. If you don't know what a brownstone is...then your very uncultured and lowly...its a type of building...a style of home. Duh. There are many other things she likes and wants, but we'll end with this: Lastly, she wants her own McDreamy/McSteamy. She wants him to be both. Whoever he is. He has to be both, he has to be gorgeous, but geniously smart, confident, but kind, sensitive, strong, supportive, respectful, open-minded, and adventurous. In the end, after all this crap that she's gone through and still has to go through, she wants to be in love. That's all, that's what I want. Right now XY can't give me what I want, so, kinda sadly, it's bye bye, to like liking XY.

Assignment #39: Take a Picture of Your Parents Kissing

I doubt I'll ever see my parents this close.

The title of my post today says a lot. So much I don't even think I can get it all down right now. I got the headline after looking at the away message of one of my friends on AIM. Actually it was a link to a picture he had taken of his parents kissing for a website that assigns different little projects to kinda get people thinking and doing things out of the box. Anyway this little project got me thinking, thinking on a day when that is the last thing I need to be doing, but more on that later. I don't think I will ever see my parents together let alone kissing. This weekend is Dad's weekend here at my school, and guess who is not going to be here for me...that's right, good ol' dad. I'm not surprised of course, I mean he's never ever once been a part of my life. Still that doesn't change the fact that I wish he was. Also, on Gilmore Girls, the show that basically parallels my life, at least when it comes to the whole Loreilai and Rory thing. Tonight's episode of all episodes was about Loreilai and Chris visiting Rory on Parent's weekend at Yale. It was just too sureal, I mean everything bad about today was over emphasized. Of course the day when I breakdown over school work, work, losing an entire load of my laundry, having three exams coming up right after the other, MCAT class, No sleep last night, and a host of other things that I will not put down because they are too personal...I mean personal & emotional, of course when all this other shit is going on, one of my favorite shows has to be the parallel universe to my own life. While things fall into place for Rory, they are falling out of place for me. Even her parents are together....yeah that was definitely the icing on the cake today. My parents will never be together...ever. I don't even know if I'll ever even see my father...ever. That kinda stinks I mean there is an entire other side of my family I may never know. I would like to, but circumstances being as they are, who knows what will happen. I just want my life to be complete...to stop having so many holes, to fall into place. I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark, and I have no true idea of who I am or what's happening to me. Things are so frustrating right now. Plus I feel like I have no real place to just get away from everything, something always comes up to remind me that I have a bunch to go deal with all the time. So what else was bad about today? First Calc. I had a quiz...I'm sure I did terrible. So that pissed me off. Then at work the kids were oh so terrible all of them, even my favorites. They were crying, fighting, just plain disobedient. Wouldn't stop for a minute to learn anything. Then I was upset about school...the stress...I can't take it. So I called my mom and my grandma, and all they said was stop crying, and worrying. Um...yeah thanks wish I could duh. So no help there. I really don't like crying and emptying all my thoughts and fears on my friends because that just makes me feel to vulnerable and exposed, plus it makes me feel bad like I dunno I don't want to weigh them down with my problems. So yeah, there is a lot going on right now. I just wanna throw in the towel...

Love Episode X: Fear and Loathing in Champaign

I was with XY today. Yeah, nothing exciting except for this: A piece of the part of me that likes him...died. I dunno how small or large that piece was, but I do know this: I definitely do not like him like I used to. The intensity of my feelings for him have certanly been dampened. I mean I'm still his friend, and I will continue to be his friend as long he respects me and treats me like a friend. That's no problem, but anything more than that. Really isn't doing it for me right now. I also realize that today he definitely was not putting himself on my goodside, far from it, and I'm sure that had everything to do with how I'm feeling about him right now. However, I was begining to ween myself away from him already, and today just helped me pull away a little more. I'm not gonna say I don't like him anymore at all. That would be silly and stupid, no ones feelings are black and white, well at least even when I try to make mine that simple, they just aren't. So I'm not even gonna set myself up by saying I'm over him before I really am. I just wanted to awknowledge that I am steadily nearing that destination. Destination sans XY. He did really bother me today though. He was talking about my McDreamy. Yes, McDreamy, I wanted to kill him. Well not kill, maybe just severely maim. Also sometimes I feel like he can be such an attention whore. So today I was loathing him inside, inside I was foaming at the mouth wanting to tear out his heart with my bare teeth. He brought up my worst fears, and talked about someone I really care about. I didn't want to tell him all the things that were going on inside my head, and the truth of the matters. I don't think I could ever go that deep with him at least not without getting my deepest secrets and feelings ridiculed and trampled on. XY seems so insensitive now. I remember when we first met, and my idea of him from then has completely changed to today. I don't trust him at all, at least not with things that are somewhat important to me. I don't think I could ever go more than just skin deep with him, and this is what really made a part of me lose interest in him. How can I like someone, i.e. hope to be with them when I can't even trust him to be a real good friend and to be kind to me at least some of the time. I can't...I can't like someone like that. So slowly, I'm not. I honestly cannot say I like him anymore, I can't say I don't, but at the sametime I can't say I do. So for now...I don't really like anyone, even McDreamy is having a rest tonight. I'm just feeling a little lonely in the romance dept. A bit lonely and jaded...and tired. So looks like Dominica is back to square one...again...as usual. This is what I was afraid of. Terrified of. Screaming not to end up back here again. Wait did I ever even leave square one or home plate or whatever you want to call it. No. I didn't, but I'm pretty sure I was at bat...yeah so I fouled out, but the game is still only in the 2nd inning. I'll get another chance and this time, I hope, it will be with someone a little more worth it.

Babies and Disney Songs

Kobe, my littliest cousin...though not for long.


I have Calculus homework due in about 18 hours. However, instead of working on it I began to download my favorite Disney songs. In doing so it caused me to think about my splendiferous childhood. In turn causing me to wish desperately to be a child once again. However, I can't be if I could I would have done it a long time ago. So then I got to thinking even more, also this thinking kept me far from calc. I began to think...when I have kids I'm gonna make sure I share all the things with them my wonderful mother shared with me. The music, the movies, the food, late weekend nights, and making comforter tents in the living room and eating our favorite take-out from the chinese place down the street. Sigh...Good Times. My children will be beautiful and grand, brilliant and inspired. I can't wait to have them and love them. In fact I feel like I already love them and whoever they turn out to be. I really really want to have kids. I used not to. In fact the desire to have children didn't hit me until I turned 20 really. Since then its something I think about from time to time, and I realize how great my want is to one day have a family of my own, secure and filled with love. I can see it. I want it. So thinking about my future family, and believing, knowing that it will happen for me one day is very reassuring. Reassuring because I worry that I won't fall in love or find that one special guy, but this gut-feeling that I will settledown and start my own family with someone helps me know deep deep down that I will...someday...find love. I hope so. No, I know I will, and guess all this waiting will make it all the better when its finally here. Oh! And he better appriciate it too, I mean I'm untouched like an action figure or special edition Barbie still in the original package...a rare find.
I also think about having kids so much probably because I work at an elementary school. I'm an America Reads tutor, I'm like a teacher's aide pretty much. I work with kindergarden through 3rd grade. The kids are so cute...well most are. I have a few who can be well...difficult. This one kid is such a whiner...and he is so disagreeable. Still while I have my least favorites I also have my faves. This one little girl in my kindergarden class is just so smart, but she's so quiet and unassuming, then you ask her something and she knows everything. She has surpassed everyother student in her class. She's also very creative and unique; for halloween she was a unicorn! I mean I would not have thought to be that. I was Tinkerbell...like every other little girl my age at 5. However, I find that most of the girls I teach are well very drama oriented. Its amazing how the drama starts at such a young age. Amazing. This one little girl is a compulsive liar, I mean she lies all the time!!! She will deliberately hurt herself or break something of her own just to blame it on another student...usually a boy. I find that boys for me are just easier to teach and get along with. They're simple, and actually boys stay pretty simple for the rest of their lives. Since teaching boys in kindergarden thru 5th grade and hanging out with guys in college, I see they are very much the same on both levels and this has helped me a lot in understanding them and dealing with college guys. Really it has. They like attention, and to feel like you're in awe of them or impressed by them regardless of their age. But at the same time to gain their respect you do have to show them that you aren't just a pretty face, show that you have some grit, be it sports or knowledge show them one good time, usually when you first meet is best, and you're pretty much set, they'll remember. Believe me one good time is enough. They like it that while you're impressed by them or something they've done, you still have some sass to sling at them, and you're not gonna blindly let them take charge. Seriously, regardless of what male you're working with this always works, its a type of power struggle. You're showing them that you recognize they have strength, power, intellect...whatever, but at the same time you have your own, and your giving them the lead, not letting them just take it. And be a bit coy with it too, it shows that you're still a girl, femminine, they need to see that, it keeps them interested. No joke it works, girls all have this power over males...its something that we all have, but believe me it takes practice, and the want to use it. I don't particularly like using it especially over my close family and friends that are guys, but everyonce and awhile I gotta break it out. We all do.
Anyways back to kids, I have some names on a list that I like too. I'm not gonna list them all here since so many peope like to steal them from me!!!! Still, here's a few: Lizzie Mae, Eddy James, Ava, Aeryn, Emma, Emmy, Brody, Bailey, Quinn, and Camdyn. That's it...no more, and only the first two are from my faves list. So yeah...leave them alone. I just can't wait to have babies one day that's all. Also I want to have boys...lots of boys. Ok, maybe like 3 and then 2 or 3 girls...wait. I don't want 6 kids, if I have 6 I might as well have one more to make it a good number 7. Yeah, that's the limit...ok maybe 8...I'm just saying since I have like a list of like a hundred names just so I can use a good amount of them. Besides I'm gonna be in good shape, plus I could adopt a few. Omg...its 2. I gotta go to bed.