I hope one day I'll hear these words from my McDreamy...and its not who you think.Ya know how on tests people say that your first answer is usually right? Well I think that applies not only to tests but in other areas of life as well. Right now it's sounding pretty accurate when it comes to guys. XY...must not care about me at all, I mean not even as a friend. I just get this feeling sometimes that he doesn't respect me at all. I'm realizing that I should have stuck with my first choice: J.McDreamy. Everyone said I should have. I'm an idiot. Why didn't I go all out for him while he was still here? Now he's all NBA, and far away, and I'm wasting time with stupid and gay XY. Who just really pissed me off 5 minutes ago. I'm too good for him. He called me annoying, ha, well watch and see if I ever annoy him again! As much as he pokes me and makes stupid jokes and pig-headed remarks around me and towards me! And he wants to call me annoying! The idiot! Whenever we're together all he does is talk about either A. Himself or B. Stupid rhetorical questions to fluster me. He is retarded! Its always: Do you think you're smarter than me?, Can I stick this pencil between your boobs? Are you wearing a push-up bra? You're a lesbian since you must not like penis. So if I depant myself right now you wouldn't look? I can't believe you haven't seen a penis!, or Boob! Wow...what was I thinking? I have no clue, but hey we all make mistakes right? I just don't see how I'm letting myself be attracted to this 1 dimensional freak! What is wrong with me? Why can't I just meet a guy isn't an Ass, but also has qualities that I enjoy in a guy? I mean Smart, Attractive, Tall, and Kind don't have to be 4 different people right!?! I should have stuck with going after my first choice: J. Really, I think I should have just let J.McDreamy know that I liked him when I had the chance. If I let him know now, I would worry that he would think I was after his money or semi-fame or something. My family already has enough money, and fame I would rather achieve on my own terms. I like J. because he is the total package. He is kind, smart, attractive, very very tall, and he's just good. I could see myself loving him one day. He's the kind of guy that when your with him, he's with you. I mean he gives you 100% of his attention. It doesn't matter if you're in a bar, out walking around campus, one on one, or with a bunch of his friends. He makes sure that you feel welcomed and taken care of. That is why I like him, because he is all the right things, all the right things that I want and need in my life. He's supportive and helpful, but funny and down-to-earth. I hope I get another chance to show my first choice we should be more than friends.
Oh and get this! XY brought up J. while I was over there today!!! He was like oh you'll confess your love to me one day. I was like no, I will confess it, but not to you. Then he was like: oh to who? J.? You are such a silly little girl. Ha ha if only he know how far away from the truth he was. Does he really think I'm gonna discuss my inner most feelings and experiences with J. to him? Does he think I would tell him everything? Uh...no. Unlike XY I try to keep my Hos separate...I wouldn't invite one over while I was publicly making out with the other. Dumbass. Don't think I forgot that shit.
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