I doubt I'll ever see my parents this close.The title of my post today says a lot. So much I don't even think I can get it all down right now. I got the headline after looking at the away message of one of my friends on AIM. Actually it was a link to a picture he had taken of his parents kissing for a website that assigns different little projects to kinda get people thinking and doing things out of the box. Anyway this little project got me thinking, thinking on a day when that is the last thing I need to be doing, but more on that later. I don't think I will ever see my parents together let alone kissing. This weekend is Dad's weekend here at my school, and guess who is not going to be here for me...that's right, good ol' dad. I'm not surprised of course, I mean he's never ever once been a part of my life. Still that doesn't change the fact that I wish he was. Also, on Gilmore Girls, the show that basically parallels my life, at least when it comes to the whole Loreilai and Rory thing. Tonight's episode of all episodes was about Loreilai and Chris visiting Rory on Parent's weekend at Yale. It was just too sureal, I mean everything bad about today was over emphasized. Of course the day when I breakdown over school work, work, losing an entire load of my laundry, having three exams coming up right after the other, MCAT class, No sleep last night, and a host of other things that I will not put down because they are too personal...I mean personal & emotional, of course when all this other shit is going on, one of my favorite shows has to be the parallel universe to my own life. While things fall into place for Rory, they are falling out of place for me. Even her parents are together....yeah that was definitely the icing on the cake today. My parents will never be together...ever. I don't even know if I'll ever even see my father...ever. That kinda stinks I mean there is an entire other side of my family I may never know. I would like to, but circumstances being as they are, who knows what will happen. I just want my life to be complete...to stop having so many holes, to fall into place. I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark, and I have no true idea of who I am or what's happening to me. Things are so frustrating right now. Plus I feel like I have no real place to just get away from everything, something always comes up to remind me that I have a bunch to go deal with all the time. So what else was bad about today? First Calc. I had a quiz...I'm sure I did terrible. So that pissed me off. Then at work the kids were oh so terrible all of them, even my favorites. They were crying, fighting, just plain disobedient. Wouldn't stop for a minute to learn anything. Then I was upset about school...the stress...I can't take it. So I called my mom and my grandma, and all they said was stop crying, and worrying. Um...yeah thanks wish I could duh. So no help there. I really don't like crying and emptying all my thoughts and fears on my friends because that just makes me feel to vulnerable and exposed, plus it makes me feel bad like I dunno I don't want to weigh them down with my problems. So yeah, there is a lot going on right now. I just wanna throw in the towel...
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