I was with XY today. Yeah, nothing exciting except for this: A piece of the part of me that likes him...died. I dunno how small or large that piece was, but I do know this: I definitely do not like him like I used to. The intensity of my feelings for him have certanly been dampened. I mean I'm still his friend, and I will continue to be his friend as long he respects me and treats me like a friend. That's no problem, but anything more than that. Really isn't doing it for me right now. I also realize that today he definitely was not putting himself on my goodside, far from it, and I'm sure that had everything to do with how I'm feeling about him right now. However, I was begining to ween myself away from him already, and today just helped me pull away a little more. I'm not gonna say I don't like him anymore at all. That would be silly and stupid, no ones feelings are black and white, well at least even when I try to make mine that simple, they just aren't. So I'm not even gonna set myself up by saying I'm over him before I really am. I just wanted to awknowledge that I am steadily nearing that destination. Destination sans XY. He did really bother me today though. He was talking about my McDreamy. Yes, McDreamy, I wanted to kill him. Well not kill, maybe just severely maim. Also sometimes I feel like he can be such an attention whore. So today I was loathing him inside, inside I was foaming at the mouth wanting to tear out his heart with my bare teeth. He brought up my worst fears, and talked about someone I really care about. I didn't want to tell him all the things that were going on inside my head, and the truth of the matters. I don't think I could ever go that deep with him at least not without getting my deepest secrets and feelings ridiculed and trampled on. XY seems so insensitive now. I remember when we first met, and my idea of him from then has completely changed to today. I don't trust him at all, at least not with things that are somewhat important to me. I don't think I could ever go more than just skin deep with him, and this is what really made a part of me lose interest in him. How can I like someone, i.e. hope to be with them when I can't even trust him to be a real good friend and to be kind to me at least some of the time. I can't...I can't like someone like that. So slowly, I'm not. I honestly cannot say I like him anymore, I can't say I don't, but at the sametime I can't say I do. So for now...I don't really like anyone, even McDreamy is having a rest tonight. I'm just feeling a little lonely in the romance dept. A bit lonely and jaded...and tired. So looks like Dominica is back to square one...again...as usual. This is what I was afraid of. Terrified of. Screaming not to end up back here again. Wait did I ever even leave square one or home plate or whatever you want to call it. No. I didn't, but I'm pretty sure I was at bat...yeah so I fouled out, but the game is still only in the 2nd inning. I'll get another chance and this time, I hope, it will be with someone a little more worth it.
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